you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
