OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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