I just saw a hot homeless man
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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