Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize