Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
