i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize