I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
