we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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