Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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