tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
