'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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