Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
