look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
