marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
