You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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