rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
