So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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