Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
