Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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