to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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