Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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