Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
