Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
