at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
