He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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