I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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