No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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