this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
