i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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