You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The power of my boobs compel you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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