he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
