Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
