winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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