doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
