make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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