So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
