I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
