so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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