No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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