'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm both gender and math confused
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