Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
