Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
