idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
