For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
