wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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