I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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