my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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