You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
