And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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