So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
