Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
