Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
