I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
