Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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