i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
