I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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