At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
