they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
