how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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