Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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