went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
