so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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