Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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