Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
