the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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