Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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