I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
