That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
