hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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