getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
