Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
