ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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