and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
