I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
