I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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