i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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