when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
