and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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