something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
