this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
