you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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