he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
