Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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