you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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